The Freedom of Responsibility: A Moment in Mortality

The gentle tap of rain on the kitchen skylight played like a metronome to remind her that time always moves forward.

A fittingly somber moment as she closed the flap on the last box of her mom's house, the one she grew up in. In which she’d shared so much life. 

But the life had left this house long before that day. It was a blend of relief and sadness.

Of hope — that her mom would now get the help she needed in palliative care — and grief, because the house was to go on the market the following week.

Audrey's Choice

Audrey had seen to the needs of her ailing mother for the last three years while her mother battled cognitive decline. A reality we likely will all face. If someone in your family has not yet, they will. Four out of five of us will battle it as well.

However, this is not about the ailment. It's about the opportunity. Because when you read this, you might think, "Poor Audrey." But for Audrey, this was what freedom is all about.

Freedom of relationship and time, to be exact. The ability to be there for and when the people you care about need you most.

One of four brothers and sisters, Audrey was THE ONE.

As she pulled out of the driveway, her tears matched the rain on the glass. She sobbed, but not in pain — in gratitude. Her mother's battle was not over, but Audrey was grateful she’d been there for so many great moments over the last few years — moments her siblings had missed because they "couldn't get away."

The Distraction of Modern Life

They, like so many others, live a life of full distraction. Both intentional and incidental. They have built lives that are not their own, and as such, have little bandwidth for anything but their own.

When I speak of freedom, people often imagine limitless lack of responsibility. However, true freedom looks a lot more like this: Intentionality of Responsibility.

The ability to be there for the person who was always there for you.

Not exactly limitless mai-tais on the beach, but a reality I hope for all of you. No, I don't want your parents to get ill, but I want you to be able to be there for them when they do, instead of at their wake wishing you had made the time instead.

The truth is that time is made now, in today's actions. Each day we have a choice, and that is: react to the events of yesterday and today, or create with intention for tomorrow.

Two Mornings: Reaction vs. Intention

Most live in the former.

From the moment their feet touch the floor in the morning to the time their head hits the pillow at night, each moment filled with response. They grab their phone first thing and are met with endless notifications. A late-night email from a boss or client. They clamor to the kitchen, already rushed after oversleeping thanks to a late night unwinding with a glass of wine, and now the kids are beginning to stir. They scramble to assemble breakfast when the youngest knocks over their orange juice, flooding the workspace.

"You are so clumsy," they quip, unaware that they just saddled that child with a belief for life. Still irritated about the email, mad about the OJ, and further behind schedule, they skip their workout to try to make up time.

This story goes on, and it probably reads like an autobiography for most of us. It's far more common than the inverse: The parent who wakes with no alarm each day at 5 a.m., has 15 minutes of silence to themselves, meets the sunrise with some yoga, and then starts breakfast alongside the morning coffee before heading to the garage for a quick 10-minute workout. As they wrap up, they hear the footsteps coming down the stairs. Mom emerges from the garage to the sleepy faces of her children; their first memory of today is the sweat and exhilaration on their mother's face. They are reminded that Mom puts her health first.

You choose how you write your story. And you choose your writing utensil by choosing reaction or intention.

The Five Freedoms

Generally, when I discuss freedom, I'm often met with resistance. A pointed accusation that I'm insensitive and that I just don't get it. "You don't have kids, you don't understand," they say without so much as first considering why I don't. Their reality matters more, because even that is a reaction. They are right, I don't have kids — but I have countless clients who do, and many live that latter reality.

"You don't understand; you’re fit, it's easy for you," they say, blind to the fact I was once 50 lb heavier and about to become a burden on the healthcare system. I wore that weight around like a rucksack of reaction.

For Audrey and her family, her choices allowed her to be there when it mattered most. For some people, freedom looks like something less mortal. It can look like a household of intention versus reaction. It can look something like a life of curiosity rather than certainty. It can look like choices from abundance instead of scarcity. It can look like time for what matters rather than what's necessary. Or simply the ability to say yes to an invitation to do something demanding without needing to get in shape first.

See, freedom comes in a few flavors: Time, Money, Purpose, Relationship, and Health. The Five Freedoms, each of which merits its own blog. But for now, let’s keep it simple: Freedom is simply the ability to create the life you want rather than trade your life for what you don't want, hoping for a better tomorrow. Freedom is to choose for tomorrow.

This might seem outlandish if you are reading this from within the flames of reaction. But as someone who has had it quite awful — the deck stacked against them, born poor, terrible student, incarcerated parent, unhealthy childhood, surrounded by addiction — I, too, had everything to react to. And I did — I was as reactive as they come. A walking tripwire, really. Anything could and would set me off, and like a claymore, I usually took everything out around me, good or bad.

But one day, I realized something.

The Constant in All Problems

I was the constant in all of my problems. An obvious truth — but one we all work so hard to ignore by layering on complexity. I realized it was me all along, not all the things I was reacting to. Which was good news, because that meant I could change things. You can't change the world around you. But you can change the way you meet that world in each moment.

So, armed with that simplicity, I started there. And life got better when I started to choose instead of respond.

This is not to imply that I, Audrey, or anyone else is somehow better than you or has it all figured out. I still am challenged each day. A subtle truth worth mentioning is that the challenges to intention just get harder as time goes on.

But when you have truly experienced a life of choice and intention, you’ll embrace those challenges with gratitude each day — because a challenge faced with intention is still 100 times better than a challenge answered with reaction.

Your Turn: Choose Intention

Are you living a life of reaction or intention? Do you find yourself constantly responding to the chaos around you rather than creating the space for what truly matters?

At Paradigm Collective, we help clients transform their relationships with responsibility. Our "Freedom Framework" isn't about escaping life's demands — it's about developing the intentionality to show up for what matters most when it matters most.

Ready to move from reaction to intention? Join our "Five Freedoms" workshop where we'll help you assess your current freedom levels in time, money, purpose, relationships, and health — and develop a practical roadmap to greater intentionality in each area.

Discover Your Freedom Framework →