The Refractory Period (Or: Why Your Subconscious Is Playing Chess Against You)

"I've gotta be honest, I just haven't had the time."

That was the dismissive response to my pointed question during our meeting: “Have you finished Jump Start?”

The basis of my question was that we were descending into what I often call the refractory period — about that moment after the post-holiday euphoria, charged with dopamine-fueled hope for the new year, when you find yourself about ten days into January, feeling anything but new.

Usually this is when the weight and doubt of all the excited goals you set start to creep in. The stories in your head get louder. "Who do I think I am?" and "How is this year gonna be any different?" type of rhetoric.

And in that moment, the subconscious moves a chess piece toward its checkmate.

The Game You Didn't Know You Were Playing

Like chess, it's not one grand singular move. It's many systematic moves over time as you wear down your opponent.

The opponent in this case being you.

And in this actual case, the opponent being her. Erica was already moving her pawn toward a victory of settling back into old patterns.

The thing she was referring to not having time for was Jump Start — and no, this is not me attempting to write about that program more. If you're curious, go back and read the last few blogs. What I'm referring to in this case is a tool contained in there, particularly two of them: the Ecological Assessment and the Traction Continuum.

Because in this meeting, we were fifteen minutes in, and not only had she spent those fifteen minutes politicking for why she thinks our work should be done — she was also advocating for reducing her own goals she set for herself.

And the reason? Because they weren't properly formed.

Let me explain.

The Breakup Attempt

First, let me start by saying, it's quite welcome when the "I think we are done here" conversation comes. Especially when it's valid. My work is that of forced obsolescence. The better I do my job, the faster our work comes to an end.

That said, it's been my experience that the first three "breakup" attempts are just malformed subconscious defense mechanisms in action. A war cry to defeat the system that is prompting change in your life. I'm usually the first target.

No worries. I can almost always see it coming.

It's precipitated by slowed traction, increased reactivity, negative self-talk, and usually some degree of avoidance or detachment.

Man, it really does read like a relationship.

Erica wanted to be done because the work was working, and sometimes that feels heavy. I'm with you. We all romanticize comfort.

The Surgical Intervention

So after fifteen minutes of circular talking, dodging, and deflecting, I had to get to surgical compassion.

"Erica, let me slow us down for a second. I'm a little confused. So everything you're saying you don't want to work on, or worse don't think you can, is someone's idea other than your own?"

"Well no, they are my problems, I know that. It's just that I also know they aren't going to get fixed overnight. And I think there are more important things I can be working on right now."

"That's great awareness. Can you give me the list of the most important three to five?"

Her pause was awkwardly long, but eventually she got to three of them.

"Well, my revenue goal from last year was way under, so I need to double down on sales. That's one. My engineering team is on my case about operational efficiency in main assembly. That's two. And my husband doesn't seem to care about any of that, because I also have all my duties at home to tend to. That's the big three! See what I mean?"

She was increasingly excited by the case she cobbled together by the end, sure she had me.

After a pause and consideration, I repeated them back. Agreed that they are absolutely important. But proposed that they follow a certain common theme for her.

And because I have the records, I pulled up a handful of the issues we worked through from last year. By a few, I mean about a dozen.

They all read much the same.

Highly reactive, responsive tasks.

But what was more interesting was the pattern in which they showed up each time. Like clockwork, these diatribes of reactivity came after milestones like quarterly resets, big weeks of traction, and other times where big vision moves went into play.

Within about two weeks, the wheels would come off. Erica would come in hot, with the world on fire around her.

This is no coincidence.

The Pattern No One Sees In Themselves

Most people would have easily fallen in line with her emergencies. They were justified. The revenue shortfall was real. The engineering problems were real. The home duties were real.

The only difference is that each time things were on fire, I first asked if she was holding the match.

And just like this time, those times as well — she was.

Here's the thing about your subconscious: it's not trying to hurt you. It's trying to protect you. Its job is efficiency, and efficiency means keeping you in familiar patterns. Normal is safe. New is uncertain.

So when you start making real progress — when the vision gets clearer, when the traction builds, when you start becoming the person you said you wanted to become — your subconscious gets uncomfortable.

And it starts playing chess.

Not obviously. Not with a big dramatic move you'd notice. But with small, systematic moves. A little more stress here. A convenient crisis there. A "more important" priority that just happened to show up. A reasonable-sounding argument for why now isn't the right time.

Each move makes sense in isolation. Each fire seems legitimate. Each excuse seems valid.

But when you zoom out — when you look at twelve months of data instead of the crisis in front of you — the pattern becomes undeniable.

The fires always show up after progress. The "more important things" always displace the vision work. The reasonable-sounding reasons always sound the same.

Erica couldn't see this. Not because she's not intelligent — she's brilliant. Not because she's not self-aware — she's done more personal development work than most people ever will.

She couldn't see it because you can't see your own patterns while you're inside them.

Why The Ecological Assessment Matters

When I asked her why she wasn't working on her ecological assessment — the tool that helps her and clients like her remember what this is all for — her response was simply a defense mechanism in action.

That assessment always pulls us back into conversations of vision, mission, and architecture. It almost always eradicates reaction, at least in the moment.

Which, if you read that differently, says: it designs for the future and leaves the past in the past.

Something the subconscious does not love.

The Ecological Assessment asks the questions your subconscious hopes you won't ask: Who do you want to ultimately become? What beliefs or values do you want to strengthen? What capabilities do you want to master? What environment do you want to create?

These are future-focused questions. They pull you out of the reactive present and into intentional design.

And that's threatening to a subconscious that has built its entire operating system around keeping you safe in familiar territory.

The Traction Continuum: Awareness + Action

That tool, coupled with the Traction Continuum, is jet fuel.

Because the Ecological Assessment is great for awareness. But awareness without action is emotional bypassing. Once you have awareness, the next most important question is: what are the right actions?

Because your subconscious has not yet admitted defeat.

It will, if you are not careful, trick you into distraction disguised as action. And you will show up a few months later looking confused as to why you are still right where you were.

It's no surprise. That's exactly where your subconscious wants to keep you. Not because it's nefarious, but because it's efficient. Normal is safe. New is uncertain.

The Traction Continuum provides a framework for understanding where you are and where you need to go. There are three states: Distraction, Action, and Traction.

Distraction is the sickness state — characterized by reactive decision-making, constant firefighting mode, focus on yesterday's problems, high activity but low progress, no clear direction or vision.

Action is the wellness state — basic systems in place, consistent work being done, some forward momentum, but still primarily reactive, limited strategic thinking.

Traction is the fitness state — clear vision and direction, intentional decision-making, focus on future growth, high productivity with measured progress, strategic allocation of time and resources.

Most entrepreneurs get stuck in Action. They're busy. They're working hard. They're "doing things."

But they're not building toward anything. They're solving yesterday's problems instead of creating tomorrow's opportunities.

And here's the key insight: you can't think your way from Action to Traction. You need someone outside the system who can see the patterns you're too close to see.

The Role of Outside Perspective

Armed with renewed ecological focus, it's very easy to set important next steps that produce traction rather than reaction.

And this is the very thing Erica was hoping to avoid. Subconsciously, that is.

She didn't consciously want to stay stuck. She didn't consciously want to reduce her goals. She didn't consciously want to spin in reactivity forever.

But her subconscious did. And her subconscious is a master chess player.

The only reason I could see the pattern was because I wasn't inside it. I had the records. I had the data. I had the outside perspective that allowed me to connect the dots she couldn't connect herself.

This is what a real coach does.

Not motivates you. Not gives you information you could find in a book. Not holds your hand while you vent about your problems.

A real coach sees the chess game your subconscious is playing. Identifies the patterns across time. Asks the questions that interrupt the defense mechanisms. Holds up the mirror you've been avoiding.

I call it surgical compassion — delivering precise truth with care and empathy. It's not about being harsh or calling people out for the sake of it. It's about caring enough to say the thing that needs to be said, even when they don't want to hear it.

Especially when they don't want to hear it.

The Pattern Recognition That Changes Everything

Here's what I've learned in years of doing this work:

Everyone has patterns. Everyone has a subconscious chess game running in the background. Everyone has defense mechanisms that show up predictably, triggered by the same kinds of events.

The patterns are not random. They're systematic. And once you see them, you can interrupt them.

But you cannot see your own patterns while you're inside them.

You need someone who has the records. Someone who can pull up a dozen examples from the past year and show you the theme. Someone who isn't invested in your defense mechanisms, who won't fall for the reasonable-sounding arguments, who can ask "are you holding the match?" when everything seems to be on fire.

This is why the work works.

Not because I have some special insight you don't have. Not because I know things about business or life that you couldn't learn yourself. But because I'm outside the system, looking at your patterns over time, asking the questions your subconscious hopes you won't ask.

The Invitation

So here's my question for you, reading this in mid-January, possibly in your own refractory period:

What fires have suddenly appeared since you set your New Year goals?

What "more important things" have displaced your vision work?

What reasonable-sounding arguments have you been making for why now isn't the right time?

And here's the harder question:

Are you holding the match?

You probably can't answer that honestly. Not because you're not honest — but because you're inside the pattern. Your subconscious is too good at this game.

But someone outside the system could see it. Someone with the data, the perspective, the willingness to ask the uncomfortable questions.

That's what a Paradigm Certified Coach does. That's what the Diagnostic is for.

If you're tired of playing chess against yourself — if you're tired of the same patterns showing up year after year, disguised as different problems but following the same script — maybe it's time to get someone in your corner who can see what you can't see.

Schedule a Diagnostic here: [link]

Because your subconscious is playing to win.

And right now, you don't even know you're in the game.

Now go be great.