Beginnings and Ends: Breaking the Mimetic Trap
It kind of sits there like a brick. It's mostly lifeless, somewhat despondent, and serves at best a purely utilitarian function. It's not a perfect solution to a complex problem, but it's the best solution I have to how to use a necessary evil, the smart phone.
Unlike the images that likely come to mind of most entrepreneurs, my phone is not glued to my head, it's not constantly vibrating off the table, the home screen isn't filled with notifications. (Although my inbox, messages, and voice mail notifications number in the thousands) I am, now, what I'd like to call, "not a smartphone user".
The Deplatforming Decision
Much of this silence came by way of one choice that is certainly counter intuitive these days. Leaving social media. I didn't just do the trendy app delete, I deplatformed, and that might have been, and in some ways still is the scariest hardest thing I've ever quit. Each day I'm met with doubt that I'm doing the right thing, and that I should maybe pick the addiction back up. After all, everyone else is still doing it, and worse, all my peers, competitors, and mentors seem to be using it not only fine, but to their advantage.
But, then I remember, I'm not those people. I am likely not like you either. I am not really able to maintain a healthy relationship with Social Media. I find myself down long dopamine rabbit holes, fueled by attention seeking behaviors searching for validation of likes, shares and follows, while convincing myself I'm putting value into the world. NO, I'm just putting my ego out there, and getting reinforcement from the masses that I should do it more. It's no wonder how social media evolved into the ego-proving grounds it came to be. I'm not like you, I can't keep my thumb from wandering to the app, and scrolling endlessly. I'm not like you, and I can't keep myself from comparing myself to others on the platform. Or, maybe I am exactly like you…
I'm not here to further elucidate on the problem that is distraction in a distracted world. I don't judge you for smart phone use, notification addiction, or social media immersion. I realize those machines are designed to do exactly that, hook us. (great book recommendation from Nir Eyal - Hooked)
The Comparison Trap
The point I am covering today is more nefarious than digital platforms, although it's ubiquitous there. My point today is a cliche you have likely heard and breezed past.
Don't compare someone's end, with your beginning.
Or better yet, don't confuse their end, with yours, it might just be your beginning.
I've had the pleasure of working with countless amazing humans over the years. In almost each of those cases I'd be lying if I didn't have a few pangs of insecurity, impostor syndrome, and sheer awe at what they had accomplished, and if I contrasted it against what I have, dear god, someone save me. I'd be in complete overdose.
I mean we are talking things like unfathomable wealth, dream homes where their guest house is my dream, cars, and companies, and the list goes on. And yet, here they were, meeting with little old me, because as I'm sure you know, those things didn't change many things for them.
In fact, in most of those cases of lavishness, they were somewhat incidental. The money came so fast, and the lifestyles followed, they didn't even give it much thought. But to all those on the outside, watching, obsessing, fascinating, and imaging what It must be like to be them, you all have lived their life 100x more than they have. Because to these people, a Monday is still a Monday, and Winter is still Winter, and their babies don't sleep through the night either.
But, not only do I get to meet some of these insanely successful, I also more luckily get to spend even more time with most people as they are just starting out.
To me, there is nothing more incredible than the enthusiasm of a dream, a notion, a glimmer of belief in oneself to make the leap. I cherish the moments I get to spend with those just starting out.
The sad truth though, is that the masses will never even get to that point.
I've never met a human without a big idea, but I've met most humans who fail to pursue that same idea. Primarily because they take that aspirational lifestyle and instead of it being an aspiration, it becomes an antithesis. "They could never" as they say, and their book is written before it even gets started.
The human condition is a powerful one. We are the only species that walks this earth that has full agency over our own existence. Anything we don't like we can change. A monkey, a lion, a bear, well, they don't have that luxury, they spend their days doing bear stuff, with bear things. Humans are busy building tools, tech, toys, towers etc to change their existence. But this potential brings great paradox.
Because in order to elicit change we must first become aware, and second believe capable. And it's somewhere in there that most of us get tripped up. That belief part.
And it's not just those of us taking that first step. For a lot of us, it comes a few years in, maybe even a decade or two, I know that for me, I'm two decades in, and I've reached my own level where belief in myself is a problem. Can I really keep going?
Because it's in these moments for people like us, when we start to look around for mimetics. What do I have to show for what I have accomplished, what should I have to show, what would demonstrate that I have made it, am making it, and mattered? And in that choice we start to lose our way. We look to other people's ends, and curb our new beginnings.
Because the human condition comes with one curse, it's never enough.
The Ecology vs. Mimetics Battleground
This comparison trap leads us directly into what I call the Ecology vs. Mimetics battleground—perhaps the most important conceptual framework I've developed for understanding why so many of us feel perpetually unsatisfied despite objective success.
Mimetic desires, a term borrowed from philosopher René Girard, are those we adopt because others want them. They're externally validated goals that we pursue not because they reflect our deepest values or purpose, but because they represent what success "should" look like according to others. The mansion, the yacht, the IPO, the feature in Forbes—these are often mimetic desires in entrepreneurial circles.
Ecological desires, by contrast, are aligned with our unique makeup—our genuine interests, values, strengths, and purpose. They're internally validated and specific to our particular life ecosystem. They feel nourishing rather than depleting, fulfilling rather than merely impressive.
The insidious part? Mimetic desires feel authentic while we're pursuing them. They masquerade as our own, especially when reinforced by our social circles and cultural narratives. It's only after achieving them—after getting the bigger house, the funding round, the industry award—that we often realize they weren't actually our desires at all. That's why the achievement feels hollow, and why "it's never enough" becomes our lived experience.
I've watched countless entrepreneurs achieve what they thought was their dream only to feel empty upon arrival. One client built a 9-figure business with over 200 employees, then realized he hated every aspect of what he'd created. "I built someone else's dream," he told me, "and now I'm living someone else's nightmare."
Another spent years pursuing venture capital, convinced that fundraising success would validate her as an entrepreneur. When the multimillion-dollar round finally closed, she felt nothing but anxiety. The money wasn't liberating—it was constraining. She had unwittingly traded her original vision for someone else's expectations.
The Distraction-Traction Continuum
This tension between mimetic and ecological desire creates what I call the Distraction-Traction Continuum. On one end lies distraction—action that feels productive but moves us away from our genuine purpose. On the other end lies traction—movement that pulls us toward our authentic goals.
The tragedy is that mimetic desires almost invariably lead to distraction, while ecological desires generate traction. When we're chasing goals that don't align with our deeper purpose, even objectively productive activities become distractions. We can be extraordinarily busy, disciplined, and successful while still being fundamentally distracted from the life that would actually fulfill us.
Social media accelerates this pattern by constantly exposing us to others' highlight reels, creating an endless stream of potential mimetic desires. Each scroll presents new standards to measure ourselves against, new definitions of success to adopt, new endpoints to compare our beginnings to.
The resulting chaos addiction—the constant seeking of new standards, new measures, new comparisons—keeps us in a perpetual state of distraction. We become so consumed with how our journey compares to others' that we forget to ask whether we're even on the right path.
The Seduction of Others' Endpoints
What's particularly dangerous about this comparison trap is how easily it derails our unique contribution. Your beginning isn't just chronologically different from someone else's endpoint—it's qualitatively different. The value you bring isn't found in replicating what others have already done, but in creating what only you can contribute.
Yet we become so entranced by others' achievements that we abandon the very uniqueness that might have been our greatest strength. We trade originality for imitation, authenticity for acceptance, purpose for validation.
I've experienced this pattern myself repeatedly. Early in my career, I was building coaching programs based on my distinctive approach to transformation. Then I attended a conference where another coach presented their polished, systemized program with beautiful branding, impressive testimonials, and clearly a significant income stream.
Almost overnight, I abandoned what made my work unique and tried to replicate their format, their marketing, their entire business model. My ecological desire—to create transformative experiences in my own way—was hijacked by the mimetic desire to have what they had, how they had it.
The result? Six months of work that produced something neither authentic to me nor valuable to my clients. I had essentially erased myself from my own business in pursuit of someone else's endpoint.
Breaking the Mimetic Cycle
The path out of this trap begins with a fundamental recognition: ecological success cannot be measured by comparison to others. It can only be evaluated by alignment with your unique purpose, values, and vision.
This requires developing what I call "mimetic awareness"—the ability to distinguish between desires that are authentically yours and those you've absorbed from your environment. Some questions that can help develop this awareness:
The Deathbed Test: On your deathbed, will this achievement matter to you personally, or is it something you think should matter?
The Energy Check: Does pursuing this goal energize you or deplete you? Ecological desires tend to create energy rather than consuming it.
The Originality Question: Is this goal an expression of your unique gifts and perspective, or an attempt to replicate someone else's path?
The Validation Inquiry: Are you pursuing this for internal fulfillment or external validation? Would it matter if no one else ever knew you achieved it?
The Timeline Reversal: If you already had all the external trappings of success, would you still choose to spend your time pursuing this goal?
When we apply these filters, many of our supposed aspirations reveal themselves as mimetic imposters—desires we've adopted not because they reflect our deepest values, but because they represent what success is supposed to look like according to others.
The alternative isn't abandoning ambition. It's redirecting it toward ecological goals—pursuits that align with your unique makeup and contribute your singular gifts to the world.
Finding Your Ecological Path
The journey toward ecological goals begins with what might seem like an obvious question, but one that few of us answer honestly: What do you actually want?
Not what you think you should want. Not what would impress others. Not what would validate your worth in society's eyes. But what would create genuine fulfillment in your unique life ecosystem.
This question is deceptively difficult because our authentic desires have often been buried under layers of social conditioning, cultural programming, and mimetic influence. Excavating them requires both courage and patience.
One client, a successful executive, spent six months in this excavation process before realizing that despite her "dream job," what she truly wanted was to teach literature at a small college—a desire she had dismissed decades earlier as impractical and unimpressive. Another discovered that his authentic desire wasn't the growth-stage startup he was building but a small, profitable lifestyle business that would allow him more time with his children.
In both cases, these realizations didn't lead to immediate, dramatic life changes. But they did create clarity that allowed for intentional steps toward greater alignment—what I call "ecological traction."
Ecological traction isn't measured by conventional metrics of productivity or achievement. It's measured by movement toward greater authenticity and purpose. Some days, it might look like saying no to opportunities that would impress others but pull you away from your true path. Other days, it might mean pursuing a project that makes no sense to anyone else but resonates deeply with your purpose.
The key distinction is that ecological traction pulls you toward greater wholeness and impact, while mimetic distraction—no matter how productive it appears—pulls you toward fragmentation and depletion.
The Real Cost of Comparison
Perhaps the greatest tragedy of the comparison trap isn't just that it makes us unhappy. It's that it robs the world of the unique contribution only you can make.
When you abandon your ecological path to pursue someone else's endpoint, you essentially erase yourself from the equation. The world doesn't need another copy of someone who already exists. It needs the original that only you can be.
This isn't just philosophical—it's practical. The most innovative businesses, the most impactful movements, the most meaningful contributions have consistently come from those who followed their ecological path rather than mimicking others' success.
Steve Jobs didn't create Apple by copying IBM. Sara Blakely didn't build Spanx by replicating existing apparel companies. They achieved impact precisely because they stopped comparing their beginnings to others' endpoints and instead charted entirely new territories.
The comparison trap doesn't just make us miserable—it makes us redundant. It turns potential innovators into second-rate imitators. It transforms would-be visionaries into followers.
The Path Forward
So where do we go from here? How do we break free from the comparison trap and find our ecological path?
The first step is recognition—becoming aware of when you're falling into mimetic desire and comparison. Notice when you feel that twinge of envy or inadequacy while scrolling through LinkedIn or Instagram. Pay attention when you find yourself measuring your journey against someone else's highlight reel.
The second step is remembering that their endpoint isn't your endpoint. Their definition of success isn't necessarily yours. Their path isn't yours to walk. This isn't about lowering your ambitions—it's about ensuring they're actually yours.
The third step is recommitting to your ecological path—the unique contribution that aligns with your authentic self. This might mean revisiting your original vision before it became contaminated by comparison. It might mean asking what success would look like if there was no one to impress, no standard to meet except your own fulfillment and impact.
I've practiced this process myself, most dramatically with my social media deplatforming. I realized that while social media presence was considered essential for thought leaders, it was pulling me away from my ecological path. The comparison, validation-seeking, and constant exposure to others' endpoints was creating perpetual mimetic distraction.
The decision to step away wasn't easy. There were legitimate concerns about visibility, relevance, and business impact. But on my ecological path, depth matters more than reach, transformation matters more than influence, and presence matters more than presentation.
Has it limited my conventional success? Perhaps. Has it enhanced my ecological traction? Undoubtedly. Do I still sometimes question the choice when I see others thriving in the digital space? Absolutely. But each day, I recommit to my ecological path rather than someone else's endpoint.
The Invitation
I extend this invitation to you: Consider where you might be stuck in the comparison trap. Where have you adopted mimetic desires that masquerade as your own? Where are you measuring your beginning against someone else's end? Where have you abandoned your ecological path in pursuit of external validation?
This isn't about judgment—we all fall into this trap. It's about liberation. About reclaiming your authentic journey from the tyranny of comparison.
Because your unique contribution won't come from replicating others' success. It will come from having the courage to chart your own course, measure by your own standards, and define success on your own terms.
In a world obsessed with endpoints, the most revolutionary act might be falling in love with your own beginning—not as a consolation prize until you reach someone else's endpoint, but as the essential first chapter of a story that only you can write.
Don't trade your vision for consumption. Don't sacrifice traction toward your ecological path for action toward mimetic validation. Don't lose yourself in the endless comparison to endpoints that were never meant to be yours.
Your beginning isn't inferior to someone else's end. It's the perfect starting point for your unique journey—a journey the world needs you to take.
Find Your Ecological Path
Are you caught in cycles of comparing your journey to others' endpoints, only to feel perpetually behind or inadequate? At Paradigm Collective, we help high-achievers distinguish between ecological and mimetic desires through our "Ecological Alignment" methodology.
Our approach doesn't ask you to lower your ambitions—it helps you ensure they're authentically yours. Through our guided process, you'll learn to identify when you're pursuing goals that reflect your unique purpose and when you're chasing external validation or someone else's definition of success.
Ready to break free from the comparison trap? Schedule an Ecological Assessment where we'll help you identify your mimetic patterns and develop a personalized strategy for creating genuine traction toward your authentic purpose.