The Suffering Choice: Finding Acceptance in a World of Desire

“Everybody struggles.
It might as well be worth something.
It better be for a life worth living.
This is my life that's worth the struggle.
This is how I want to "barely get by."

Helping others and living days on my terms. The rest seems like a distraction.

The Awakening of Acceptance

A central structure of awareness and, for that matter, awakening, is the understanding that acceptance, not resolution, is the key to happiness.

A subtle (and if you so choose) sad reality of humanity is that most of life, if not all of it, is suffering. From early days to last. The human condition is one of desire.

Our species has one significantly unique trait, and that's our ability to change the world around us. Monkeys do monkey things, bears do bear things, and humans, well, they can do anything. So if they don't like it, they just change. They invent tools, change locations, etc.

This unique trait is also our curse. Because it frames desire.

The Contract of Desire

Naval Ravikant says it best: "Desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want."

This is often relegated to the notion of material possession or the grind culture. However, it's far more insidious.

In Buddhism, for example, they might say it even better: "Suffering is wanting that which is otherwise."

Buddhism is often tagged as the religion of no desires. As if its followers are a large swath of humans wandering about with no generative drive. That's not true either.

At its core, what it means to be human is to be capable. And alongside capability comes choice.

Each day we are met with the option to choose our desires and drive. This choice is akin to Naval's revelation. Which desire will you choose to suffer for?

Desire as Choice, Not Consequence

The thing about this reframing is it sets up an opportunity. It sets up desire as a choice, not a consequence.

Most people live in suffering, unaware that it comes along with their wanton desires. This suffering becomes reality because their desire does not couple with their drive. For most people, reality is wanting without acting. This is the essence of Buddhism's statement.

Wanting is again much more than people wanting nicer cars and houses without wanting to change jobs and learn new skills. Wanting is anything greener pastures. That ever-insidious itch that the grass must be greener on the other side of whatever you are facing. This notion creates immense suffering daily for many people — and not to sound insensitive, is unnecessary.

Suffering is a choice. It is the byproduct of inaction.

The Disparity of Pain

If you are suffering, you are likely in a bad situation. Perhaps health is an issue, motivation is an issue, family is an issue, taxes, revenue, growth, success, etc. are issues. The list of things we would like to change is long. The list of actions we dare to take is short.

This disparity creates much of our pain.

The resolution is simple. But not easy.

It's been said that spirituality is the relief of suffering. Which, at its core, suggests that spirituality is about accepting.

The Power of Acceptance

To accept your situation, circumstance, or current experience is to relieve suffering. To accept that this is today, this is just duty, this is just purpose, or task, or experience, or lesson, or insert whatever other revelation.

To accept is to still, to accept is to soften, to relax the tension you are holding in your jaw right now, your shoulders, your belly. To accept is to let go of fear and frustration, and to exhale deeply. To accept is to widen your field of view.

Acceptance, like an old kung-fu movie, is that Zen-like state where the fight scene goes slow motion. (Am I old enough that the Matrix has become an old kung fu movie?)

It's in this fictitious moment on the big screen that the warrior slows down time and threat and can see everything coming at him. He becomes calm in the storm.

But you don't need kung fu or the source code. And you definitely don't need a fight.

You need to step out of suffering so you can step into softening, simply so you can slow down life.

The Overachiever's Dilemma

Here’s where I think acceptance gets lost on people like us (you know the type — overachievers, grinders, type-2 fun-havers): We applaud our generative drive. Most of us have overcome a lot of life because of it, and many of us have a lot to show for it.

But then it hits you.

What's it all worth?

Maybe it's when you turn 40, or maybe it's when you exit your company, or retire, or achieve whatever milestone you were banking on changing your life, you realize it's still there.

That urge, that itch, that compulsion. That which could be otherwise.

An all-too-familiar feeling, one which signals that despite whatever you just conquered, you are about to head back into the fire again. More desire.

More suffering.

Beyond the Mashed Pedal

Before you think this is me telling you to ditch desire: It's not.

For one, desire is who you are. It's who I am; perhaps who we all are. Action is also who you are. I know that to be true if you found your way here. Busy is not a problem for you. Traction, however, might be.

Traction is your ability to put power to the ground. Action in itself is inert until its force is applied to the ground. Wheels spinning feverishly move you nowhere but cause a lot of damage — to the engine, the transmission, and the environment around them.

For many of us, our desires are a metaphorical mashing of the gas pedal when we find ourselves losing grip. Sometimes this might be the answer, but if you have ever actually been stuck in a vehicle (snow, mud, sand, ice), you know that mashing that pedal is a death sentence. Getting out and assessing the situation is likely a better option. Getting out is accepting, "OK, I'm stuck. How best can I attempt to move forward?"

And this is the real gift of acceptance.

It's not lazy complacency like your mind might have first thought I was suggesting. It's tactical assessment.

The Alignment Question

Is what I desire in line with who I want to be and where I want to go? Is it something I want? Is it just something I'm trying to escape?

Assessing desires comes with a stillness and softness that's Zen-like, which allows you to reframe the chaos of the moment and ask, “Is this in alignment with me?”

Do not be surprised that in this practice, you might find that most of your desire, and for that matter your suffering, is the result of misalignment. We are all guilty of absentmindedly or reactively mashing the gas, but most don't realize the tires are spinning till we smell smoke or the engine blows. Or worse: until they damage the world around them — and I don't just mean the natural world. You sling mud, rocks, and debris on everyone around you. No one wants that.

Suffering is a choice.

Because desire is a choice.

Because who you are becoming is a choice.

Choose, or create chaos.

The Intentional Desire Path

Are you caught in the cycle of endless desire and suffering? Do you find yourself always reaching for the next achievement only to find that the satisfaction is fleeting and the itch returns?

At Paradigm Collective, we help high-achievers transform their relationship with desire through our "Intentional Desire" framework. Rather than abandoning your generative drive, we help you align it with who you truly want to become, creating traction instead of spinning wheels.

Our approach doesn't eliminate struggle; it makes your struggles worthwhile. Through guided acceptance practices and strategic desire alignment, we help you create a life where even "barely getting by" feels fulfilling because it's aligned with your authentic self.

Ready to make your struggles count? Join our "Acceptance & Alignment" workshop where we'll help you assess your current desires, identify where you're spinning wheels, and develop a practice of acceptance that creates real traction toward a life worth living.

Transform Your Relationship with Desire →