If Everyone's the Asshole: The Mirror in Business Problems
Hilarious clichés aside, we have all been on the side of the excuse-making type. The finger-pointing type. The type that has no shortage of extrinsic considerations as to why something other than them is in their own way.
This scenario likely conjures up the notion of leadership struggles and interpersonal problems. But it's a bit more nefarious and insidious than that. "How on earth did that happen" as the email lands in the inbox. A not-so-subtle notification a debt payment failed. The likely result of a stress response that looked like "out of sight out of mind." "This is a big problem" as the notification comes in that the produce for the menu has increased 20% this month, and the restaurant has been experiencing a slow bleed for the last month on auto ship. A likely result of failing to plan, and planning to fail. "I wish I could burn them to the ground," he claims exasperated as the reports come in that yet again, the business is losing market share to the competitor down the street. A likely result of avoidance and obsession.
And this list can go on, and stay on theme. All examples we have all faced in business, and all of which are very easy to see and explain as things outside our control.
The Two Camps
There are two types of business owners. One that sees everything that happens as not only in their control, but in their responsibility and perception. The other that sees everything as a consequence that conspires against them. And it's not an even split. I'd wager 90% or more in the second camp of existential crisis. And it's no coincidence there that it's eerily similar to the well-known stat of how many businesses fail.
In my work with leaders, owners, and entrepreneurs over the last 10+ years, I've encountered a lot of initial confusion as to how I could possibly do what I do across such a diverse set of industries.
I work with people across any industry you can imagine. And no, I have almost no experience with any of those industries. So, can you guess what experience I do have then? I'll give you a hint, if it's not the industry I work with, then what it is? People.
The Human Factor
The initial confusion I meet is correlative to the initial problem I proposed above. It's easy in business to see how business happens to you, rather than how it happens for you. Meaning, we try to do just about anything to ignore our personal involvement and responsibilities in the thing. Instead, we want to believe it's trade secrets and business costs that thwart us. However, my experience has been the opposite.
The industry is easy. The human is hard. You can fix one all you want, but don't be shocked when you keep finding yourself in perpetual and repeat problems. However, fix the other, and be truly shocked that you stop repeating problematic scenarios. We all know fixing root problems prevents future flare-ups. The root problem? Well, that requires finding the constant in each problem. And when you dig deep enough, you find a pretty common root problem. The human, the owner, the leader, the entrepreneur. Because problems are a game of perception. We can only see the world through our own lens. That lens is comprised of our experience, our fears, insecurities, and past patterns. If you have a limiting belief, an unresolved trauma, a fear, or insecurity? Everything you see in business you see through that lens. If you then work to remove and resolve each of those, you massively expand what you see in business. And it required no trade craft at all.
The Perception Prison
What I've discovered through working with hundreds of business owners is that most are trapped in what I call a "perception prison" – a self-reinforcing bubble of interpretation that shapes everything they see, decide, and experience. This prison isn't imposed from outside; it's constructed from within through layers of unexamined beliefs, emotional patterns, and habitual responses.
The most insidious aspect of this prison is its invisibility to its occupant. The owner experiencing repeated cash flow crises doesn't see their avoidance of financial reality as the cause – they see unpredictable market forces, unreliable clients, or economic downturns. The founder losing key employees doesn't recognize their micromanagement as the driver – they see a talent shortage, competitive poaching, or "ungrateful" staff.
This isn't about assigning blame or suggesting these external factors don't exist. Of course they do. But the perception prison determines which factors we notice, how we interpret them, and most importantly, what we believe is possible in response to them.
I worked with a restaurant owner who was convinced his location was killing his business. "Bad foot traffic," he insisted. "The neighborhood's changing." When we examined his assumptions, we discovered his real issue: he was terrified of rejection, which manifested as avoiding guest interaction. Regular customers experienced this as coldness and stopped returning. New customers never felt welcomed. The location wasn't ideal, but it wasn't the primary problem – his fear-driven behavior was. When he began working through this fear, even without changing locations, his retention numbers improved dramatically.
The Common Pattern
Across industries and business models, I see the same core patterns repeating:
The founder who can't delegate isn't just a control freak – they're often carrying a deep belief that they're ultimately alone in life and can't trust others.
The entrepreneur who avoids financial tracking isn't just disorganized – they're often carrying shame around money from childhood experiences.
The leader who can't make decisions isn't just indecisive – they're often trapped in perfectionism stemming from conditional love in their formative years.
The business owner who constantly chases new strategies isn't just lacking focus – they're often avoiding the vulnerability of mastery, where results become a reflection of who they are rather than what they know.
These aren't just personality quirks or management styles. They're adaptive responses that once served a purpose but now create the very problems these individuals are trying to solve.
What's remarkable is how consistent these patterns are across completely different industries. The SaaS founder, the restaurateur, the consultant, and the manufacturer might face different tactical challenges, but the underlying human dynamics driving their responses are strikingly similar.
The Single Variable
If you're a scientist trying to understand a complex system, you isolate variables. You change one thing at a time to see what happens. In the laboratory of business success, I've found that changing the human at the center is the single most powerful variable you can modify.
I worked with twin brothers who opened identical franchise locations in similar neighborhoods with the same starting capital and support systems. Within 18 months, one location was thriving while the other was on the verge of bankruptcy. The operational differences were minimal, but the mindset differences were profound. One brother approached challenges with curiosity and ownership; the other with defensiveness and externalization. Same business, same market, same opportunity – radically different outcomes.
This is why I can work across industries without needing deep industry expertise. The industry-specific challenges are rarely the real bottleneck. The human's capacity to perceive accurately, respond effectively, and adapt consistently is almost always the limiting factor.
The Mirror Moment
The pivotal moment in my work with clients is what I call the "mirror moment" – when they first recognize themselves as the constant in their recurring problems. This isn't about self-blame; it's about self-empowerment.
For some, this moment comes through data – tracking patterns in their business challenges and seeing the common denominator. For others, it comes through relationship feedback – recognizing how different team members all struggle with the same aspect of their leadership. For many, it comes through facilitated self-reflection – connecting present business challenges to lifelong personal patterns.
One client described this realization as "terrifying and liberating at the same time." Terrifying because it meant acknowledging how much damage had been self-created. Liberating because it meant having the power to create something different.
This mirror moment often triggers resistance. I've had clients walk out of sessions, dispute clear evidence, or suddenly find urgent reasons to postpone our work. The ego's defensive mechanisms are powerful. But for those who can move through this resistance, extraordinary transformation becomes possible.
Beyond the Mirror
The journey doesn't end with recognition; it begins there. Once a business owner sees themselves as the common denominator in their recurring problems, the real work starts:
Pattern identification: Mapping specific triggers and responses that create unwanted outcomes
Origin exploration: Understanding where these patterns originated and how they once served a purpose
New response development: Creating alternative ways to meet the same underlying needs
Practice and integration: Systematically implementing these new responses in increasingly challenging situations
This work is demanding, often uncomfortable, and sometimes deeply emotional. It requires confronting aspects of oneself that have been carefully avoided, sometimes for decades. But it's also the most leveraged investment a business owner can make.
I worked with a serial entrepreneur who had built and crashed three consecutive businesses. Each grew rapidly, then imploded when scaling required structural changes. Through our work, he recognized how his childhood experience as a "gifted" student had created a pattern of starting strong but abandoning ship when sustained effort became necessary. His businesses were mirroring his personal pattern of enthusiasm followed by disengagement.
By addressing this core pattern, his fourth business not only survived the scaling phase but thrived through it. Same person, same entrepreneurial talents, but a fundamentally different relationship with challenges. The business didn't succeed because of superior strategy or market conditions – it succeeded because the human at the center had transformed.
The Ultimate Competitive Advantage
What's fascinating about this work is that it creates an almost unfair advantage in the marketplace. While competitors are optimizing systems, refining tactics, and chasing strategies, the transformed business owner is operating with fundamentally different perception.
They see opportunities others miss. They respond to challenges others avoid. They build relationships others can't maintain. They make decisions with clarity others can't access.
This isn't mystical or metaphysical – it's the practical result of removing the perceptual filters that limit most business owners. When you're no longer driven by unconscious fears, compensating for unacknowledged insecurities, or repeating familiar but dysfunctional patterns, you simply see reality more accurately. And accurate perception is the foundation of effective action.
One client put it perfectly: "I used to think my competitors had better strategies. Now I realize they're playing an entirely different game – one constrained by the same fears and limitations I've been working through. It's like they're playing chess with half their pieces missing, and they don't even know it."
The Transformational Investment
If there's one thing I wish every business owner understood, it's this: The highest-return investment you can make isn't in systems, staff, or strategy. It's in transforming your own relationship with reality.
This isn't about achieving some perfect state of enlightenment. It's about the practical work of identifying and addressing the specific patterns that create your recurring business challenges. It's about developing the capacity to see clearly, respond effectively, and adapt consistently.
The beauty of this work is that unlike most business investments, the returns compound across every area of your business – and your life. The same patterns that sabotage your business typically appear in your personal relationships, health choices, and inner experience. Address them at the root, and the entire ecosystem transforms.
This is why, after more than a decade working with business owners across industries, I remain convinced that the most powerful lever for business transformation isn't found in any strategy, system, or skill set. It's found in the mirror.
If everyone around you seems to be the asshole in your business story, it might be time to look in that mirror. Not with judgment or self-criticism, but with curiosity and compassion. Because the person you see there isn't just the source of your problems – they're also the source of your solutions.
Transform Your Business by Transforming Yourself
Are you tired of facing the same business challenges over and over, despite changing strategies, team members, or even industries? At Paradigm Collective, we specialize in helping business owners recognize and transform the personal patterns that create their recurring business problems.
Our "Mirror Method" doesn't focus on generic business tactics or industry-specific strategies. Instead, we help you identify how your perceptual filters, emotional patterns, and habitual responses might be creating the very challenges you're trying to solve.
Ready to stop being the common denominator in your business problems? Schedule a Pattern Assessment where we'll help you identify your specific perception prison and develop a personalized transformation strategy that addresses challenges at their root.