It Was Incredible, Till It Wasn't: Finding Your Definition of Success
The first notification arrived. Hoped for, yet not fully expected: The first purchase.
As an entrepreneur, this hits the veins as well as any drug I can imagine. Maybe it's the proof of concept, the demonstration of validation, the financial implication, I don't know — but I do know it feels good.
In this instance, it wasn't the first dollar, but a new dollar, and one derived from an evolution. At this point, we had been in business for a few years, and over those years, we thought we were learning lessons. Lessons that looked like how we could better or best serve our market. So, we responded, and what resulted was the direct correlation to this market knowledge. And when this notification hit, the months of hard work preparing and building were now validated — and they kept coming. The truth is, this choice tripled the business valuation in what seemed like overnight.
The Intoxication of Growth
The usual results followed: new hires, new resources allocated, new systems put in place. The supporting foundation of this new evolution was basically being built while the house above it was as well. Learning as we go is what they love to say.
Then the first message came, and with it the necessary conflict resolution. The next message followed soon after. And again and again.
This wasn't because the new program wasn't working or providing value. It was that it was creating a new division that we were never designed to be: customer support.
In our case, we had created a common pitfall. We let the tail wag the dog.
Meaning we listened to what our market wanted, and we evolved to take advantage. Which, to the uninitiated, likely sounds great. But, to those with experience, you likely realized the truth of what I just said: We lost sight of what we had in the effort to build what they claimed to want.
And like many other companies that do so, we found that not only did they not really know what they wanted, but they continued to ask for more.
The Moment of Truth
Almost overnight, my seemingly simple, lean, and efficient company turned into a complex firehouse. Its every asset directed at problem management rather than business development. Despite how exciting the future seemed financially, the writing was clear: This was not only unsustainable, it was also not the business we set out to build.
So, I killed it.
In almost the flip of a switch I turned off half a million dollars in revenue and gutted a would-be blossoming valuation.
Why? Vitality.
Money, revenue, growth, are all great things, to the degree that they are necessary. But, like many things, it's when they pass that inflection point and we keep chasing them that they become addictions.
For so many founders and owners I meet this is the state I find them in. Chasing the high.
I built this business to build better lives for my clients and to support a great life for myself.
This means having hard conversations with myself about what I truly need. What that really looks like. What really matters. And committing to that.
The Moving Goalposts
Because you likely know the truth. When the dollar hits and the evolution validates, growth gets more exciting. We start moving goalposts quickly. That original quality of life gets a couple new shiny additions. "I mean, I think a new 911 is a reasonable reward." Fancier dinners, better seats on flights, you know the types.
The tail starts wagging. The mind starts chasing.
I'm not here to tell you to cut your revenue and become a monk. I'm not saying that sportscars and nice houses are bad. I love them, too. What I'm implying is that you get clear on what success looks like before you have it — because if you don't, when you start to experience it, you start moving those goal posts. And before you know it, you look up, and you not only do not have quality of life, you’re throwing your whole life at chasing this thing.
Redefining Success
The reality is life — a real, true, quality life — looks like way less than you think. It looks like freedom in five areas: Time, money, purpose, relationship, and health.
And while you could look at this list and think they are big goals, even something like freedom of money looks like far less than having tens of millions in investments. It's as simple as having the ability to make money without trading your time. But if you think freedom of money is correlated to your creeping lavish expenses, you have created your own problem.
However, before I lose you, I'm not saying don't chase nice things. If that's what quality of life looks like, then let's do it.
My only question is: What does quality of life look like for you?
Most people I meet don’t have an answer to that. So we start there.
I killed that segment of my business and others like it. I saw where it was headed. I am not better or smarter than anyone. I'm just not negotiable on one thing: how I choose to spend this one life I have. I could have told myself the familiar lies — grind this out now and have more to show for it later; live your life then. Or, I could accept that I already had a great life full of freedom, and what's the point of sacrificing it now just to maybe get it back later when I already have it?
Don't get me wrong, there are not many days that go by when I don't get an itch for some of those heydays. When days get hard, it's easy to think this stress would be more worth it for those pay days of the past. And just like any addictive itch, it begs to be scratched. My only antidote is to look at what I do have and not romanticize what I don't.
The distractions are all around us. Anytime I open social media, I find new desire. Anytime I meet with clients, or peers, or mentors, I find new desires. Anytime I find myself in struggle, I partner with desire. I want it over with. Every day is a challenge. But, I am where I once wanted to be, and I'm also still growing. What I'm not willing to do is sacrifice what’s truly critical for what I once falsely considered necessary.
I see this conflict in my clients each day. It's the perennial problem: It grows back each season, and together, we cut it back and get back to what's important: Quality of life.
The Growth Addiction Cycle
What I've come to understand through both my own journey and working with countless entrepreneurs is that business growth follows a predictable emotional cycle — one that bears a striking resemblance to addiction.
The initial validation — that first customer, that first big sale, that first significant revenue milestone — creates a neurochemical reward that's genuinely intoxicating. Studies have shown that entrepreneurial success triggers the same dopamine pathways as other rewarding activities. This isn't metaphorical; it's neurological.
This reward system creates a natural craving for more. More sales. More revenue. More growth. More validation. The cycle begins innocently enough, with each new milestone bringing genuine excitement and a sense of accomplishment. But over time, the goalposts inevitably shift. What once seemed like an ambitious revenue target becomes the new baseline. What once seemed like a luxury becomes a necessity.
The business itself begins to morph to chase these ever-escalating rewards. You add product lines, expand services, and enter new markets not because they align with your core purpose or values, but because they represent growth opportunities. The means gradually become the end.
I've watched this pattern play out repeatedly with clients. A software company founder who started with a simple, elegant solution suddenly managing seven different products across three platforms. A consultant who began with a focused expertise now juggling multiple service lines that dilute her impact. A retailer who opened location after location, chasing scale at the expense of the customer experience that made the first location special.
The most telling sign of this addiction cycle isn't just the business complexity — it's the gap between the founder's original vision of success and their current reality. They're working more hours, experiencing more stress, and enjoying less freedom than when they started — all while chasing a constantly receding horizon of "enough."
The Intervention Moment
My decision to cut that revenue stream wasn't made lightly. It came after a particularly grueling week where I found myself working around the clock to manage customer support issues that had nothing to do with my core expertise or passion. I was making more money than ever, but I was also more exhausted, more stressed, and less present in my own life.
I realized I was falling into the classic entrepreneur's trap: sacrificing today's quality of life for a hypothetical tomorrow that never actually arrives. I was postponing life itself.
The intervention came in the form of a simple exercise that I now use with clients. I call it the "Time Travel Test." It works like this:
Remember what success looked like to you when you first started your business. Be specific about both the financial metrics and the lifestyle components.
Honestly assess your current reality against that original vision. Where are you exceeding those expectations? Where are you falling short?
Project forward: If your business continues on its current trajectory, will the gap between your ideal quality of life and your actual quality of life grow wider or narrower?
For most entrepreneurs, this exercise reveals an uncomfortable truth: They've already achieved or exceeded their original financial goals but have sacrificed the lifestyle components that were supposed to come with that success. And if they continue on their current path, that gap will only widen.
The Time Travel Test cuts through the rationalization and self-deception that fuel the growth addiction cycle. It forces a confrontation with the misalignment between stated values and actual choices.
The Five Freedoms Framework
When I talk about vitality and quality of life, I'm referring to something specific and measurable. It's not vague well-being or abstract happiness. It's concrete freedom in five distinct domains:
Freedom of Time: The ability to control your calendar — to work when, where, and how much you choose. This isn't about never working; it's about working by choice rather than obligation.
Freedom of Money: Financial stability that doesn't require constant personal effort to maintain. This isn't about wealth accumulation; it's about creating systems that generate resources without consuming your life.
Freedom of Purpose: The alignment between your daily activities and your core values and interests. This isn't about finding one perfect calling; it's about eliminating activities that drain your energy without contributing to what matters to you.
Freedom of Relationships: The capacity to be fully present with the people who matter most to you. This isn't about perfect relationships; it's about having the bandwidth to nurture meaningful connections.
Freedom of Health: Physical and mental well-being that allows you to fully engage with life. This isn't about perfect fitness; it's about having the energy and capacity to pursue what matters.
What's powerful about this framework is that it creates a concrete scorecard for success that goes beyond financial metrics. It allows you to assess whether business growth is actually serving your life or merely feeding an addiction to more.
When I applied this framework to my own business decision, the answer became clear. The new revenue stream was improving only one freedom (money) while actively eroding the other four. It was a net negative for my vitality, despite being a financial positive.
The Practical Application
For you reading this, I'm not suggesting you should slash your revenue or abandon growth. I'm advocating for intentionality — for growth that serves your life rather than consumes it.
Here's how you might apply these principles:
Define your "enough": For each of the five freedoms, establish concrete metrics that represent sufficiency for you. What amount of money is truly enough? How much time freedom do you need? What level of purpose alignment matters? Be specific and honest.
Audit your business activities: Evaluate each product, service, client type, or revenue stream against its impact on your five freedoms. Some will enhance multiple freedoms, while others might increase one freedom at the expense of others.
Prioritize integrated growth: Focus your business development efforts on opportunities that enhance multiple freedoms simultaneously. The most valuable business moves improve your financial position while also creating more time, purpose, relationship, and health freedom.
Create decision filters: Develop clear criteria for evaluating new opportunities based on their impact on your five freedoms. Make these explicit enough that you can use them even when you're in the emotional grip of potential growth.
Regularly reassess: Schedule quarterly reviews of your business against your five freedoms. Businesses naturally drift toward complexity and away from founder intentions without regular recalibration.
One client, a consultant who had built a seven-figure practice, used this framework to recognize that her highest-revenue clients were actually destroying her time and health freedom. She made the counterintuitive move of "firing" her three largest clients and restructuring her services. Her revenue initially dropped by 40%, but within 18 months, she had rebuilt to her previous level with a client mix that enhanced rather than eroded her quality of life.
Another, a software entrepreneur, used this approach to decide against a major funding round despite investor interest. He recognized that the growth imperative that would come with outside investment would fundamentally alter his relationship with his business. Instead, he focused on deepening value to his existing customer base, creating a slower but more sustainable growth trajectory that preserved his autonomy.
The Invitation to Vitality
The entrepreneurial journey offers a unique opportunity to create not just a business but a life that reflects your deepest values. This opportunity is easily squandered in the pursuit of conventional metrics of success — revenue, growth rates, market share, valuation.
My invitation to you is simple: Define success on your own terms before the market defines it for you. Establish clarity about what constitutes "enough" in each of the five freedoms. Create decision-making frameworks that protect those definitions even when you're tempted by growth opportunities.
This isn't about limiting your business's potential. It's about ensuring that your business serves its most important purpose: creating a life of vitality for you and those you care about.
When I cut that revenue stream, I wasn't abandoning success. I was recommitting to my original definition of it: a definition that prioritized a balanced experience of all five freedoms over the single-minded pursuit of financial growth.
The most successful entrepreneurs I know aren't those with the largest companies or the highest net worth. They're those who have created businesses that serve as vehicles for their desired lives rather than obstacles to them.
So I'll ask again: What does quality of life look like for you? And is your current business trajectory taking you toward that vision or away from it?
Your answer to this question won't just determine your business strategy. It will shape the life you experience while building it.
Define Your Own Success
Are you caught in the cycle of constantly chasing business growth while sacrificing the quality of life that motivated you to start your business in the first place? At Paradigm Collective, we help entrepreneurs align their business trajectories with their personal definitions of success through our "Five Freedoms" framework.
Our approach doesn't ask you to abandon ambition — it helps you redefine it in terms that actually matter to you. Through our guided assessment process, you'll clarify what "enough" looks like across time, money, purpose, relationship, and health freedoms, and develop business strategies that enhance rather than erode these crucial domains.
Ready to build a business that serves your life rather than consumes it? Schedule a Vitality Assessment where we'll help you evaluate your current business against your ideal life and develop a personalized strategy for growth that enhances rather than sacrifices your quality of life.